Explaining my Dour Nature

Even my siblings will admit that my dark spin on the world stems from my dearly departed mother, Elvira Grimley.  Truly, if anyone is to blame, it is she.  It is her.  (Well, one of those....)

BILL

Frankly, I'm flattered

Caroline Kennedy, having expressed interest in the soon-to-be-vacated Senate seat of Hillary Clinton, announced today that it was the example of President-Wannabe William P. that inspired her.

Edwin and I were talking it over while I was polishing a bust of Daddy and he said:  “Sweet Caroline – by the way Neil Diamond wrote that song for me, you know - look at that Bill fella.  I hear he’s got nothing but rocks in his head, and yet he’s President-Wannabe.  Good God, sweetie, you’re a Kennedy!”

“You’re right,” I said.  “And I’m twenty years older than Uncle Teddy was when he joined the Senate.”

“A better driver, too.”

BILL

Ever Notice...

… you never see the Dalai Lama and Paul Shaffer from “Late Night With David Letterman” at the same time?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm……

BILL

I Just Learned Shania Twain Separated From Her Husband

My new address, effective tomorrow, is:

815 Buckskin Road

Trailer 12

Nashville, TV  37208

(615) 555-1212  (Please Note: This is  party line.)

Compliment or Complement???

I’ve been told by many that I am as handsome a man as Kate Beckensale is a woman.  (Not Kate Beckinsale, lovely actress of “Pearl Harbor” fame, but Kate Beckensale down the street.  “Big Kate,” as the street urchins taunt her.)

BILL

To Help Ensure a Smooth Transition Until Inauguration Day...

… I am pleased to announce the formulation of The Office of the President-Wannabe, an office that I myself shall occupy effective Monday, December 8, 2008.  This move is inspired in large part by Barack Obama, current occupant of The Office of the President-Elect. 

Please address all concerns to this office specifically and I shall grant them my due consideration, per the powers vested in me by the Constitution.

Thank you.

BILL