It Was BOUND to Happen!!!

Already, some of my married friends have filed for divorce in the last couple days, their once solid matrimonial pairing crumbling beneath the sheer, colossus-like weight of New York’s recent approval of same sex marriage.  How many more heterosexual unions must be torn asunder before we rightfully defend traditional marriage against such relentless attacks?  To the ramparts, friends!!!

BILL

RE: My Weiner Whine

(Let’s face it; I’m ahead of my time…    BILL)

NEWS ITEM:  A former porn actress who said she exchanged emails and messages over Twitter with New York Rep. Anthony Weiner said Wednesday that he asked her to lie about their online communications.

Ginger Lee said she and Weiner exchanged about 100 emails between March and June, beginning after Lee posted a supportive statement about the congressman on her blog. She said they mostly discussed politics, but he would often turn the conversation to sex.

"'I have wardrobe demands too. I need to highlight my package,'" Weiner wrote Lee, in an email read aloud at the news conference by Lee's attorney, Gloria Allred.

From: Bekkala, Bill
Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2011 2:21 PM
Subject: My Weiner Whine
Importance: Low

I have but one thing to say now that all the women who playfully sexted with Anthony Weiner for months are beginning to emerge from the shadows:  “You’re on Ms. Allred!”

BILL

I Trained To Be a Navy Seal

But I could never keep the ball bouncing on my nose.

BILL

Oh Sales Be Low Down

Due to the lackluster sales of my “The 9/11 Joke Book” from hereon in I will simply be giving these away.  They can be found on top of my desk beside my tip jar.

BILL

I'm Dating an S.I. Cover Model!!

Zelda and I are going out tonight to celebrate her photo shoot for Stupendously Insane magazine.
 
BILL

Oscar Minor Whine

A buddy of mine was working this year’s Oscars and he said they were going to have a brain storming session on how to keep the show from running long and did I have any suggestions.  I replied: “Get a 94 year old stroke survivor using a cane to present.”   Next thing I know, I’m watching Kirk Douglas! 

Dude, I was only joking!

BILL

Rebel Without an Upper Lip

Using the latest computer technology, scientists have determined that, if James Dean (1931 – 1955) were alive today, he would look exactly like this:

         I

 think we can all agree it’s better that he died.          BILL