I Trained To Be a Navy Seal

But I could never keep the ball bouncing on my nose.

BILL

Oh Sales Be Low Down

Due to the lackluster sales of my “The 9/11 Joke Book” from hereon in I will simply be giving these away.  They can be found on top of my desk beside my tip jar.

BILL

I'm Dating an S.I. Cover Model!!

Zelda and I are going out tonight to celebrate her photo shoot for Stupendously Insane magazine.
 
BILL

Oscar Minor Whine

A buddy of mine was working this year’s Oscars and he said they were going to have a brain storming session on how to keep the show from running long and did I have any suggestions.  I replied: “Get a 94 year old stroke survivor using a cane to present.”   Next thing I know, I’m watching Kirk Douglas! 

Dude, I was only joking!

BILL

Rebel Without an Upper Lip

Using the latest computer technology, scientists have determined that, if James Dean (1931 – 1955) were alive today, he would look exactly like this:

         I

 think we can all agree it’s better that he died.          BILL     

I Can Be So Crass

My ex-wife once asked me if the black pants she was wearing had a “slimming effect.” 

“Yes,” I replied, “but so would taking the turkey drumstick out of your hand.”

BILL

Much Like Global Warming Disputes...

… wherein some say the science is “not yet settled,” nor is it with regards to the earth being round, the Flat Earth Society still actively disputing the notion of the blue and green orb floating through space that we call home actually being an orb.  This being so, I believe – in fairness - we should henceforth cease using the word “globe” since this remains a viable point of contention.   Or, if I were employed by FOX News, I would assert that “this subject, upon which not everyone agrees, requires further study.”
 
BILL