Thursday, December 22, 2011

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

I Used To Work For Mrs. Fields

She fired me as head of marketing for this campaign:

“Ginger Snaps!  Movie Star Slays Six in Bloody Island Rampage”

BILL

Monday, December 19, 2011

Try This Some Time

Next time someone says “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone,” step up and say “That would be me.”  This little gem has gotten me belly laughs at every stoning I have ever attended.

BILL

Friday, December 16, 2011

"No Drama" Obama

When he stated that we’ve asked Iran to return our felled surveillance drone, he proved himself quite the comedian.  The press corps should have broken into laughter and said:  “Good one, Mr. President.  Good one!!”

BILL

Thursday, December 15, 2011

I Want My MTV! (And a Lot of Other Stuff!!)

Can anyone pinpoint when exactly – per the Declaration of Independence – our inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness was misconstrued by far too many as an inalienable right to happiness per se?

BILL

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Man With No Feet: A Christmas Story

This holiday season, I recall how once – mired in the self-absorbed petulance of youth – I complained about the quality of my new sneakers.   Just then, I spotted a man in a wheelchair, the stubs of his lower legs jutting prominently from the rust-adorned contraption from which he could never escape.

“Excuse me, sir,” I asked. “Am I crazy or are these the sorriest shoes you ever laid eyes on?”

“My man,” he said, his caustic laughter causing me to blush, “those are some sorry ass shoes!”

BILL

Confucius say:

“Man who down too many six packs loses six pack.”

BILL