Various Peaks of Laziness I Have PERSONALLY Scale

In the film “The Big Lebowski,” Jeff “The Dude” Lebowski (in a time-capsule performance by Jeff Bridges) is described as “Quite possibly the laziest (man) in all of Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the running for laziest worldwide.”  Please find below my challenge to that throne:
 
 
Mount Facial – 14,238’  -  Lacking dark hair, I never shave on Fridays, figuring I can slip through the tail-end of the week unnoticed.
 
Mount Signee – 15,238’  -  I frequently find myself signing documents “W.P. Bill,” easing the burden of “William P.”  Conjoined to this is my wish that I was named “Don Ho.”
 
Mount Ironside – 16,238’ – Every dress shirt I own is worn twice before hitting the laundry heap, reducing my ironing load by a whopping fifty-percent!
 
Mount Pleasant – 17,234’  -  I rarely XXXXXXXXXX, figuring, pleasurable though it is, I simply lack the energy.
 
Mount Drawerson – 18,788’  -  I rarely close drawers and cabinets at home, figuring I’m just going to reopen them later.
 
Mount Soapy – 19,485’ – When showering, every now and then I simply let the soapy runoff water perform the task of “scrubbing” below my knees as opposed to my bending down and doing it myself.
 
Mount Billings – 22,485’   -  I once went a year and a half tossing the receipts of paid bills onto my bedroom floor, letting them amass into an untidy pile.
 
Mount Dusty – 23,877’  -  I once went a year and a half (yes, the same period as above) without dusting my bedroom.
 
Mount Feline – 24,158’ – I once let my cat Isabella give me a bath.  (OK, I’m joking; that never happened.)
 
Mount Revenue – 24,587’ – Despite doing the aptly-named EZ income tax form, and having duly aced second grade math, SOMEHOW for the past six years or so, the IRS has written me back each time informing me that I owe them more money.  Rather than look into the matter, I simply whip out the checkbook.
 
Mount Sudsy – 24,889’ -  I have never in my adult life not let the dirty dishes soak for at least half an hour.
 
Mount Checkoffski – 26,723’  -  I have never in my adult life balanced my checkbook.
 
And my personal Mount Olympus – 28,385’ – I have never in my adult life made my bed.
 
Take that, Dude…
 
BILL